


Truths Revealed

by elvirakitties



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore Bashing, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dursley Family Bashing (Harry Potter), F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, Mental Health Issues, Pre-Slash, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2019-09-24 15:54:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17103557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elvirakitties/pseuds/elvirakitties
Summary: What if Harry saw a mind healer in the muggle world after Sirius' death?





	1. Chapter 1

Harry was staring out the window. He could see St. James' Park with a bit of the statue of the Duke of York. Harry had been coming here every other day for the last two weeks. The first three sessions had been Harry providing the basics of his life, his relatives, Hogwarts, and his friends. 

Poppy was the one who arranged for him to see a Psychiatrists. She had snuck him out one night before the end of term and they had gone to Gringotts. Originally, it was about finding out his status. Instead, they learned some shocking truths. Harry had just lost Sirius and wasn't able to process what he learned. He destroyed two offices in Gringotts. Harry and Poppy wondered what else had been hidden. 

Harry knew his relatives were being obnoxious because Harry was leaving every day and not working at their home. Not doing their endless list of chores or being locked in his room. Harry refused to allow himself to be locked in. He made sure to inform his relatives he was an adult according to the Ministry and would love to practice his spells on them. He pulled out his wand when Vernon started to come at him with his arm raised. Harry waved his wand, using the Bat-Bogey Hex on the man. Harry looked at Petunia. "Let's see if anyone comes." Vernon was screaming about the bats while Petunia grabbed her broom and started swatting at the bats and kept hitting Vernon causing Harry to laugh. Once the hex ended, Vernon went to attack Harry who just waved his wand again. Vernon froze. Petunia pulled him away. As she pulled Vernon out of the living area, she looked over her shoulder. "Just say away from us." He still received the nasty comments from them about being ungrateful. Harry would deal with their betrayal later. 

Betrayal made him think of his friends. "I thought about how I meet the Weasleys." Harry hadn't heard from his friends since he arrived home. He knew at the end of the month was Sirius' Will reading. Ironclaw wrote to him yesterday to inform him of the day and time. He also warned Harry that Dumbledore was attempting to keep the Will reading limited to only him, the Weasleys, Tonks, and Granger. 

"Your conclusion?" 

Harry liked how his doctor's voice was always smooth, calm, and gentle. She was a petite woman with black hair and bright blue eyes. She was always dressed very professional but like Severus Snape, she wore black as her main color. Harry thought the color suited her. "That Mrs. Weasley didn't need to ask what number the platform was nor would she have delayed in heading to the barrier."

"What else?" 

Harry looked at her. "Hagrid was sent for a reason to get me. Dumbledore set up the confrontation. He had to know that Voldemort was in Quirrell. I read the books on wards and one of the wards listed for Hogwarts was a ward to detect possessed beings as well as the use of dark magic." This session was about his conclusions to his first year. He had been asked clarifying questions and how things came about. He never got a judgment nor was he told what he said or did was wrong. Harry felt no pressure to even speak. 

"Any other conclusions?" 

Harry wanted to scream but refrained. He knew what she meant. "Yes, it is abuse and Dumbledore is allowing it to happen. He allowed it to happen to so many." It had taken Harry numerous days to accept he was abused. It had taken Harry the rest of the two weeks to accept that he was worth more than being returned to an abusive house in the name of safety. He had read about the Black wards. He was better than living in boot cupboard or his cousin's filthy second bedroom. He was better than being locked in the said filthy room. He was better than being treated like a house-elf, a punching bag by his cousin. He was better than being used. He was better than having friends who were being paid. 

"Harry, let your anger out. It's a safe place and you have every right to be angry." Harry threw the closest thing and heard the satisfying break of ceramic. "Don't worry about it, I didn't like that little statue. Perhaps, you could throw the little tray next to it?" Harry didn't even turn to face her but he threw it. "Feel better?" 

Harry didn't reply right away as he thought about his feeling. He had felt the beginning of tears but stopped them from spilling down his face as he returned to the present. "Yes." He really did feel better. His magic hadn't been reacting as he was now processing his feelings instead of burying them until he exploded. "Ironclaw wrote to me, Dumbledore is attempting to keep me from Sirius' Will reading at the end of the month."

"Your conclusion?" 

"He is trying to keep me from learning I have more power as he did with my titles and the fact that I was declared an adult due to the tournament. If he had actually made the fact known my trial for underage magic would have been avoided." The fact he was declared an adult and still had to put up with all the stuff in his fifth year was what caused the two rooms to be destroyed at Gringotts. If he had known he was an adult, he could have pressed charges against Umbridge after the first detention and rest of his fifth year wouldn't have happened.

"True. What else?" 

Harry looked up. "My whole fifth year might not have happened. I wouldn't have been conned into playing professors, I wouldn't have been so tired to blow off a lot of Professor Snape's lessons. Yes, I know I didn't try in a lot of ways but most of the time I was just so tired I collapsed into bed. It doesn't excuse that I didn't practice and I owe Professor Snape an apology. Sirius would be alive." The pain surged forth in him. He almost choked on his own guilt. He knew the guilt was from a combination of the way his relatives blamed him for his parents' death and Dumbledore's crafty use of it.

"You are not responsible for Sirius' actions." 

Harry didn't respond. He was still having a problem with accepting that he wasn't. "Last year would have also been different if listened to my gut. Instead, my own people-pleasing allowed Hermione to guilt me into teaching. I didn't want to do it but because she and Ron were my first friends, I caved in. I didn't stand up to them and allowed them to bully me into doing things starting with my first year. I also allowed them to shape and make judgment calls on things based on their views." Harry was calmer now that he was talking about facts and not about his feeling or even focused on his feelings.

"What did you judge based on their opinions?" 

Harry liked this office, it was soothing colors of lavender. He could even smell the lavender in the air. He had seen the little bowls with lavender around the room He leaned back against the cushion of the off-white loveseat. "Professor Snape, Dumbledore, Slytherins, Gryffindors, the Order, basically everything in the magic world." Harry had thought long and hard about his friends and their opinions on things. Ron stopped being his friend when he learned Harry was a parseltongue. It didn't matter that he knew Harry wasn't evil. It didn't matter that he knew Harry for over a year. All that matter to Ron was that Parseltongue was evil so therefore Harry was too. He never tried in his classes because he didn't want to lose his first friend, either. Ron was about goofing off. His relatives didn't care about his grades so he didn't try. Hermoine was the one who always lectured him about his grades and how he needed to obey Dumbledore. She forced her views on him and Ron. If they didn't agree with her, she would nag them, hit them, and basically bully them into agreeing with her. She did it on their adventures, homework, even obeying Dumbledore and the rules unless it was for something she wanted to do. When she wanted to do something or get something done, the rules didn't matter. 

"What do you think about the people or groups you just mentioned?" 

Harry didn't answer right away as he thought about his feelings. He was so used to burying his feelings or what he was thinking that it was weird to actually have someone ask him about them. "I know Professor Snape has always been there to save us. He saved the three of us from being bitten by Remus when he transformed into a werewolf. He was the one who saved me from falling off of my broom during the Quidditch game. He even spoke to Sirius and told the Order where we were. His notes in his potion textbook saved Ron's life." Yes, another thing that got on his nerves. Hermione going on about the old potion book. She was so mad that he actually understood potions now. She kept accusing him of cheating but the Weasleys used old textbooks that had notes in them too and she didn't complain over the years about them. 

Harry knew that Severus hated Remus and Sirius yet the man still brewed the Wolfbane potion and had checked on Sirius. He learned that from Minerva speaking to Poppy while he was lying in the bed. Severus was the one who protected them when Mrs. Norris was petrified. Severus was the referee during Harry's next game to protect him. He had a quick thought about Hermione setting Severus' robes on fire. He was going to have to make amends on that issue as he knew Hermione wouldn't. Just like she let him take the blame for stolen potion ingredients during his second year. 

"You mentioned last time that you felt ashamed that you allowed the Weasley twins to act like your father and Sirius."

"Yes, I did and still do in a way. The Weasleys destroyed my relatives living room while trying to visit me via Floo powder. Mr. Weasley destroyed the fireplace since the Dursleys had the fireplace blocked. They have an electric heater. The twins gave Dudley some prank toffee. Dudley ended up with a foot-long tongue after eating Fred and George dropped sweets. Mr. Weasley pointed out to the twins that their prank would not help me with my terrible home life and that the Dursleys weren't going to soften their stance toward wizardkind because of it. He flat out ignored the mess he turned their living room into. He even told the twins that he had spent his life campaigning against the mistreatment of Muggles. No one has done a thing about my home life. He was more concerned with how the Dursleys viewed wizards." 

"I see."

"It wasn't the first time either. I mean they knew about the bars on my windows because the twins and Ron broke me out of Dudley's second bedroom. The bars are still at the Weasleys'. It was ignored as was the address on my envelope. My envelop even said cupboard under the stairs." Harry had tears in his eyes. He had tried to remain at Hogwarts or even the Weasleys but he was always denied. He didn't even get to live with his godfather but Hermione and Ron did. "Do you know what he said to me after Sirius' death?" Harry wiped his face with his sleeve. "Dumbledore, I mean. We had a conversation that very night."

"No, what did he say?" 

"He said he decided to tell me what he should have told me five years ago. He was talking about my relatives. He started to tell me why he left me there. When I told him she doesn't even care for me his response was she took you. She may have taken you grudgingly, furiously, unwillingly, bitterly, yet still, she took you, and in doing so, she sealed the charm I placed upon you. Those were his exact words. I have them memorized. I don't get that aspect about protecting me. How many parents sacrificed their lives for their children? Why aren't the Longbottoms, Bones, and others having the same experience as me? How many people did Voldemort kill? How many died to protect their kids?"

"I don't know. He and his followers killed a lot of people." 

"I researched blood wards. I wanted to find out what they meant regarding protection and there is nothing in any of the research to say that me being at my relatives is protection. His unmarked followers or supporters could get to me with enough gold to my uncle. He could even arrive and remove me from the house with my relatives' permission." Bitterness laced Harry's voice. "He admitted to leaving me on the doorstep a note. He even said to me that when I arrived at Hogwarts, neither happy nor as well-nourished as he expected, I was alive and healthy. Which wasn't even true. Look at me, my size, how gaunt I was and he didn't do anything about it. I return there every year so skinny with my clothes falling off of me and he says I was healthy. He even said to me that I was not a pampered prince but as normal a boy as he could have hoped under the circumstances."

"What do you think of that?" 

"I think he is full of it." Harry got up and started pacing as his mind was thinking about his past experiences. Magic was flowing around him, sending sparks into the air. The lines of his tears could be seen on his face. "He knew I was being abused but as long as I was able to beat Voldemort, it didn't matter. Do you know I wasn't even given an option or asked my opinion on anything regarding anything to do with my life and this forthcoming war that Dumbledore believes will happen? I'm just expected to follow Dumbledore and do what he wants." 

Harry picked up another small looking thing and threw it. He had no idea what it was all he saw was something white and round. "Healthy, who is he kidding? He should be thankful I was still alive. Hagrid did me no favors when he gave my cousin a pig's tail." Harry stopped. He remembered his uncle's anger when he returned home. "Dumbledore even said to me that he cared about me too much. He cared more for my peace of mind than his plan. Who is he kidding? He is a general preparing for war and I'm his weapon. He worked his guilt in there too. Said to me that he watched me more closely than I could have imagined. He said it was about wanting to save me more pain than I had already suffered. Now, for the guilt part. He said what did I care if numbers of nameless and faceless people and creatures were slaughtered in the vague future, if in the here and now you were alive, and well, and happy? I never dreamed that I would have such a person on my hands." 

Harry started crying again. "Am I so unloveable that I can't get one person to love me? Sirius thought I was James, even called me James at times. Remus didn't even tell me he knew my parents until it was almost the end of my third year. I get people that see me as a slave, as a weapon, as a way to become famous by association. All people see is my scar, not me, Harry." Harry plopped down onto the couch. He felt so lost in a sea of emotions yet calmer in that he felt like he was waking up to the realities of his life and what he could do now that he was an adult. 

"Did you talk to the goblins about the scar?" 

Harry realized it had been quiet for about ten minutes before the question was asked. He gave her a slight smile. "Yes, I have an appointment tomorrow after I leave here. Ironclaw wrote that their healers and some of their curse breakers were interested in looking at it to see if they could help. He promised that Bill Weasley wouldn't be able to tell Dumbledore or his family."

"That is good news."

"Yes, it is." Harry looked at the clock. "I overstayed, again." 

"It's not a problem. I told you I would never boot you out if we aren't done with whatever we are discussing at the time. Now, is a good time to break off since we will end on a positive note."

"Yes, I also want to get some tea and food before I head back to my relatives for the night. May I wash my face before I leave?" 

"Yes, of course." 

_________________________________________________

The door closed as Harry left the office. Another door opened. "How did it go?" An elder man dressed in a deep sapphire blue Gieves & Hawkes suit. 

"It went well. He is starting to see a lot of the lies he has been fed." A snap of her fingers got the destroyed items banished.

"Excellent. We only have six more weeks before he returns to Hogwarts. I hope it's enough time." The old man walked to the window to watch Harry walk across the street. 

"Merlin, he might not want to return. If he doesn't, I'm not going to force the issue." Another snap and her clothes changed into a Sarah Burton simple white dress. 

"Morgana, I don't want him to return at all. I would rather he become our apprentice." 

"Excellent and it would certainly put a kink in Dumbledore's plans." 

"Yes, it would. Voldemort's too. Those two idiots are destroying our world."

Morgana joined Merlin at the window. "He has had so much sorrow."

Merlin didn't respond as they watched Harry turn the corner and disappear from sight. "He is the key to turning it all around but not in the way Dumbledore or Voldemort will expect."


	2. Chapter 2

Harry finished telling Morgana about his second year. It felt like he was speaking about a movie or book as he couldn't add his own emotions or even what he thought into the narrative. He had spent the last two days writing the events of the year out. He referred to his outline as he spoke so that he wouldn't forget anything. There weren't any questions asked so he was able to get through the whole year. He really didn't speak much about Ron and his feelings regarding Ron's abandonment. He had spent most of the first day trying to figure out why he thought going to get Lockhart to help was a smart idea. It had been Ron's idea but because he couldn't think of anything else at the time, he had agreed. "I'm not sure why I agreed to bring Lockhart. The man didn't teach us a thing all year." He wondered what would have happened if Dumbledore actually had been the one to go down into the Chamber with the rest of the staff. 

"Why do you think you wouldn't have gone to anyone else?"

"I thought for several reasons. The two biggest is that when we went to McGonagall during my first year, she ignored us. However, I think the biggest is that I didn't want to lose my friend, again. He was my first friend. I was worried about Ginny because of Ron. I really didn't know her that well. We didn't know much about a Basilisk. I wanted to get more than one professor but it seemed like Dumbledore was doing his usual routine of talking and moving at the speed of a snail when it was discovered she was missing. Ron was going crazy. So, again, I just agreed." Harry looked up from his outline. "I have been thinking about this all week." He had. He wondered about so much that happened during the year. He still couldn't figure out why Dobby tried to warn him about the diary when Malfoy Sr., had tried to sell it after Dobby's visit. Malfoy Sr. hadn't slipped it to Ginny when Dobby first appeared. Malfoy, Sr. didn't plan on getting into the school. Ginny was the one who brought into the school. The diary could have suggested that. Was there another plan that he wasn't aware of and no one noticed it because everyone was focused on the petrified students. 

"Which aspect? Losing Ron as a friend again? About Dumbledore not doing anything about Quirrell or the Chamber?" 

Harry shook his head in denial. "No, I mean yes, but more about the fact that Dumbledore hires idiots like Lockhart and Quirrell. He approved a dueling demonstration knowing the man was a fraud. It was great to see Lockhart going flying into the air." He wondered how long he had been thinking about things when before Morgana asked her question. "The same duel demonstration that exposed me as being a speaker and the whole school alienated me. I believe it's strange that I get exposed as a Speaker the same year that the Chamber is reopened. I did some checking and he had no one to take the position of DADA and wanted Lockhart. Dumbledore has been having a hard time hiring people." Harry was silent for several seconds. "It's like he just wants a body for the position."

Harry stared at Morgana for almost five minutes before speaking. He was reviewing his memories of his second year. He was a bit surprised to find himself suddenly understanding that Snape meant over the course of his lessons last year. He had gone to the goblins and spoke to one of their warriors about Legilimency and Occlumency. "He knew Lockhart was a fraud. He also said that I can speak Parseltongue because Lord Voldemort can speak Parseltongue. Unless I'm much mistaken Lord Voldemort transformed some of his own powers to you the night he gave you that scar."

"Oh?" 

Harry had an appointment for tomorrow to speak to the goblins about his scar and if Voldemort did transfer some of his power, he wanted to know what they were. He also didn't buy Dumbledore's reasoning behind him not going to Slytherin versus Gryffindor. He really only selected Gryffindor because of what he heard about Slytherin and Gryffindor before he arrived at Hogwarts. "Yes, it was after Fawkes carried us out of the Chamber. Ron was telling Dumbledore what happened in the Chamber." Harry stopped speaking for several seconds. "Impaled on your own sword, Gilderoy?" Harry shook his head. "That is what he told Lockhart after Ron exampled about the memory charm on Lockhart. Dumbledore knew two of the wizards that Lockhart memory charmed and stole their great deeds. Dumbledore hired Lockhart knowing the man was a fraud, broke the law by memory charming people, and Dumbledore wanted him to teach us how to defend ourselves." He wondered if he was in Slytherin would his observation skills would have improved. He always listened to his gut feelings about people and situations but when he was at Hogwarts, it's like his gut had a twin who was about ego and getting the glory. 

"I see." 

Yes, get back on topic, Harry. There is a lot to cover. "Yes, Dumbledore just has people filling in positions. He doesn't care if they are capable. Binns, a ghost, for History of Magic. Trelawney for Divination. Well, it was her and after Umbridge fired her it was Firenze. Umbridge even fired Hagrid. I like Hagrid but he should never have been a professor." Trelawney, she freaked him out a bit. Always warning him about something killing him. She was always seeing his death. 

"Quirrell was possessed, Lockhart a fraud, Lupin a werewolf, Mad-Eye was a fake, and then last year you had Umbridge? Plus Binns, Trelawney, and Hagrid?"

"Yes, Dumbledore grand idea of those who can teach. He really just hires those that believe him and follow him." Harry huffed. "He needs to hire more people. McGonagall is the deputy, head of house, and a professor. She ignored me when I went to her about the Blood Quill. I actually didn't even get that far, she said for me to keep my head down. She thought I was there to complain about the detentions. She just dismissed me as she did in our first year." Harry paused for a few seconds. McGonagall was against him becoming an Auror until Umbridge. She kept suggesting other careers. Harry only wanted to be an Auror because of Sirius and his stories about his father and Ron. 

"Do you trust her?" 

Harry thought for a few minutes. "No, I didn't even think of going to her when we needed to save Ginny. She never listens to her students." Harry closed his eyes as he realized he didn't trust anyone at Hogwarts. "I read that the wards at Hogwarts should have alerted Dumbledore about everything from Quirrell to the Blood Quill." Harry gave a bit of a huff and shook his head. "He wants me to fight Voldemort yet hires idiots like him and Quirrell. I can't blame him for Mad-Eye or Umbridge." Harry wanted to get off of this topic. He wasn't ready to deal with the idea of Dumbledore's desire for him to face Voldemort. 

"Why not? Isn't Mad-Eye an old friend and yet he didn't know it wasn't Mad-Eye. You said Mad-Eye still associates with the Order and Dumbledore." 

Harry closed his eyes. He had been ignoring so much of the things in order to avoid seeing the different aspect that he didn't like. He would know if someone wasn't Ron or Hermione especially if he had nine months of interactions. There was just no way that Barty would have known everything about Mad-Eye. Yes, he could do the physical and even just act like Mad-Eye but how do you cover over twenty years of history in knowing a person who you worked with you, claimed you were friends? Barty wouldn't have known the details about the Order outside of the members and basics. He wouldn't know the inside jokes, the little things like knowing what would make someone upset if you mentioned it or even do things like trigger a laugh in someone. 

"Let it out, Harry. Stop burying the anger." 

Harry let out his anger causing several pieces of breakable items to break. Harry heard the cracking, the loud shattering of various things, and felt the shattered glass from the overhead light falling onto him. Harry opened his eyes. "Sorry." 

"Don't be. I keep ugly things I have been given in here in the hopes they will be broken." Morgana smiled. She did fix the light so they could see again. "See, the ugly stuff is all broken." 

Harry looked at the variety of broken items. He had thought they were ugly too. The pictures were all exposed as the glass was cracked, the windows weren't. "I thought I broken the windows." He was learning that magic responded to your emotions and it wasn't just dark magic that responded to emotions. 

"The windows are protected." 

Harry looked at the broken shards on the floor. "I'm so used to burying my own feelings. I wonder at times if the things I did at Hogwarts was because of me being myself or filling in what people expect me to be. I'm not sure who is the real me." Harry had buried his true self to protect himself from the Dursleys, he became what people expected him to be at Hogwarts. He never liked being in the spotlight, he certainly wouldn't have drawn attention to himself in any way and certainly wouldn't have down some of the things he did at Hogwarts. He wondered why he even went to any professor. As a child, he learned adults weren't to be trusted. 

No adult had ever helped him. His previous teachers in the muggle world never did anything about his cousin beating him up. They didn't do anything about his lack of food, clothing, or even the bruises that were visible on him. The neighbors didn't do anything about his long list of chores. Most of the chores weren't age appropriate. They didn't do anything about Dudley and his gang chasing and beating up Harry. No, adults weren't to be trusted. "You know, he even arranged for us to win the house cup each year. When we were in his office after the Chamber, he informed us we got the Special Award for Services to Hogwarts. He gave us two hundred points, a piece. It was just enough for Gryffindor to secure the House Cup. Before I started at Hogwarts, Gryffindor hadn't won in six years. He did it on purpose." 

"Why do you think that?" 

A bitter bark of laughter left Harry. "To give more power to the Savior." All he ever heard about was those books. How a Gryffindor would react. How he should react to things. Hermione was always great about making sure he did what she wanted. 

"You have thought of other issues as we have been speaking. Are they issues you want to discuss now or are burying more emotions?" 

It had taken ten sessions for Harry to work through his first year. He only had about five weeks left before he returned to Hogwarts. He wanted to get through all of his years at Hogwarts. He sighed deeply. "I want to discuss things as they come up but I also want to work through some of the issues by myself, get my thoughts in order before we discuss the issues." 

"That is fine, Harry, This is at your pace. You will be seeing the goblins tomorrow?" 

"Yes. I want to find out about my scar." Harry felt there was more to the scar than just a scar. It might explain the nightmares, it might explain the visions. Visions and nightmares that he hasn't been having since started practicing what Snape had been attempting to teach him. He owed Snape and was afraid of saying thank you to the man for fear of Snape's rejection and disbelieve if he did thank him. Snape was the only one who ever seemed to care if he lived or died. "You know, I think might he might be the only one I do trust. He stood between us and when Lupin turned into a werewolf. He tried to stop the curse on my broom. He even was the referee at the next game to protect me. He even stopped Umbridge. She demanded that he bring her Veritaserum. He smoothly informed her that she’d actually already used his entire stash. He didn't even suggest other ways to get the truth. He offered no other assistance." Harry shook his head. "He even makes Lupin's potion despite what my father and the Marauders did to him." 

"Who, Harry?"

"Snape." 

"Snape?" 

"Yes, the bain of my existence is also the only one who has ever tried to protect me." Harry knew Snape didn't know about his home life. Snape had made to many mentions of him being treated like a prince. "Despite his demeanor, he is the only one I would trust to keep me alive. Severus Snape. He even tried to save Sirius who he hated. They hated each other actually." Harry still couldn't believe that Sirius was dead. Crazy Sirius who should have been getting help instead of being locked up in that dark house with his deceased mother yelling at him. "The will reading is next week." 

"How do you feel about that?" 

"Strange. I'm conflicted on how I feel. I feel like I should feel more of a sense of loss but I didn't really get a chance to know Sirius. He thought I was James a few times. We just never had time to get to know each other. There were always so many people at the house, we never just got time to talk. I am going to miss the idea of what he meant. He was a link to my parents. He was my father's best friend, his partner, and my godfather. I feel like it was a useless death. It could have been prevented but it wasn't. Voldemort caused another death of his family. "I keep getting letters about how I shouldn't grieve too long. How Sirius wouldn't want me to fall into a depression about his death." 

"Harry, no one can tell someone else how to grieve or even how long to grieve. Grieving is different for everyone."

Harry processed what Morgana told him. He had been processing so much and felt like he had been on an emotional rollercoaster the last few weeks. "Thanks. Hermoine keeps sending me books on how to get over my grief. I wrote and told her that I would read the books. I did. I thought they were a waste. Most of them talked about putting on a smile each day and soon I wouldn't have to force a smile. It mentioned different facades, they didn't call them facades, to get through the different situations of everyday life. One even suggested busy work. I sounded more like ignoring your feelings and pretending life was fine and dandy."

"Yes, some believe the idea of faking it until it's a reality. It's good in some aspects but not in grieving. Burying our grief won't do anything but come out in other aspects. Have you been depressed?" 

"A bit." Harry had been a bit depressed but not only about Sirius. He was a bit depressed about his whole life. "I need to go. I told my relatives I would be home before it got dark." Harry just didn't want to spend the night listening to Vernon and Petunia fighting about him and his never being home. Vernon seemed to believe that if Harry wasn't in his room before Vernon got home from work that Harry was doing something criminal and how Harry needed to be thrown in jail.

"Tomorrow?" 

"Yes." Harry got up and headed for the door. His boots grinding the broken shards of glass and ceramic into the rug. He turned back to Morgana. "Should I bring my own ugly things?"

Morgana laughed. "If you so wish."

_____________________________________________________________________

Merlin stepped into the office. He looked at the broken shards. "Going well?" He was dressed in a deep dark blue Italian suit with an off white shirt.

"As best to be expected given who he is and what he has gone through. He is seeing things clearer. I have an idea we need to discuss." Morgana transformed her professional looking clothes into black Halo belted sheath dress. 

"Morgana, it must be his choice to become our apprentice. It must be something that can't be declared invalid by Lady Magic if called upon."

"I'm aware and that isn't my idea. It is an idea that might solve numerous problems at once. Harry actually gave me the idea." 

"Sounds interesting. Let's have some tea and discuss this. The Wolseley?" Merlin held out his elbow. 

"Sounds devine." Morgana let Merlin escort her out of her office. The shards would be cleaned up by one of the house-elves who would also add some ugy things into the office to be broken.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry was tired. It had been a long week. It hadn't even been a month since Hogwarts started their summer holiday and already so much of his world had changed. His relatives were still being as unpleasant as always but Harry was rarely there. Sirius' will reading was next week. He wasn't looking forward to being in the same room as a bunch of traitors. The only good news was that Voldemort was quiet. He wasn't sure why but he wasn't going to question it. He hadn't had one nightmare since he left Hogwarts. 

"Harry?"

"I am finished with the goblins healers. They fixed all the issues they could fix. It turns out, Dumbledore added some blocks on my magic." Harry turned and morphed into Morgana. "I got the Black family gift. My grandmother was a Black and Sirius did a blood adoption on me when I was only a few weeks old." He morphed into what he really looked like. "This is the real me." Harry was almost 176 cm. His hair was curly with the Black family curls while not as wild as Sirius or Bellatrix, it certainly wasn't the messy locks that James Potter had. His green eyes were a deeper shade of emerald, his skin was a bit paler, and his face was almost the same as his mothers. His glasses were also gone. "I don't even need glasses now that the blocks are off. These are just glass for the lens. I didn't want to alert Dumbledore to anything I might have learned."

"What blocks?

It had taken the healers three different sessions to remove all the blocks. Most were on his magic and restricted so much of his ability to wield it. The only aspect that hadn't been blocked was his defensive magic. "He had blocks on almost everything and some nice personality changes too. He blocked almost 50% of my magic. I need a new wand now. He blocked any talent or ability I might have had naturally. He didn't block the parselmagic as I don't believe he expected me to have that skill. He tried to tell me it was from Voldemort but the goblins researched my family tree on my mother's side. She was a Peverell and Gryffindor. My father was a Peverell and a Slytherin." Harry morphed into the smaller version of James Potter that everyone was used to seeing. "He is the reason I had to wear glasses. He put a block on my eyesight. He wanted me farsighted."

"He blocked more didn't he?" 

Harry went back to looking out the window. "Yes, he blocked some of my willingness to learn. I am going to retake my OWLs after the will reading. I had the goblins provide evidence of Umbridge's classes, the Bloodquill, and her decrees. I got notice yesterday after I left here that she is facing charges and that they are offering everyone the ability to retake them. I expect I won't hear anything from Dumbledore unless he believes I got the notice of the offer. I don't think he will as the goblins were the ones who handled it for me." Dumbledore wouldn't want him to retake his OWLs. "I also arranged for the goblins to provide me a tutor for the classes I missed. I will be going there every day for lessons. I will still keep coming here. They arranged for me to use a port-key until I can take the Apparition Test."

"What else?" 

"He blocked anything Slytherin related. It's why the hat wanted me in Slytherin. I wasn't aware of this but apparently, Snape has every student take a medical exam each year. McGonagall doesn't even visit us unless something happened. I've been writing to Poppy. I promised her I would keep her updated. I just have Gringotts send her the letter. She was the one who informed that Snape requires all his snakes to take them. It used to be required that all first years had to take one. Dumbledore removed that required two years before I started." Harry knew why. It was so that Poppy wouldn't notice the abuse, report to McGonagall or the Ministry.

"Interesting."

"Isn't it?" Harry walked to the couch and sat down. He looked around the room for the first time since he entered it. "You have more ugly things." There were some ugly vases, glasses, pictures, ashtrays, and mugs.

"Yes, I have boxes and boxes of ugly things just waiting to be broken." Morgana smiled. "No letters from anyone else?" 

"I am still getting a weekly note from Granger but now she is telling me I should be done with my grieving and I need to move on. According to the books she read, I shouldn't be affected since I really didn't get to know Sirius. It was all I could not to write to her and ask who's fault is that? She wants me to start to focus on my NEWTs. She even sent me a revision schedule for our sixth and seventh year. We don't even have our original results back." Harry shook his head. He really wanted to ask Granger who made her an expert on everything? Who was she to tell him to get over Sirius' death? "They are residing at Sirius' house."

"They are?"

"Yes, I'm going to wait until after the will reading and close everything down. I'm afraid if I do it now, Dumbledore will know I haven't been spending all day and night at my relatives' house. I did hire the goblins to look into the wards at my relatives' house. They are going to do the examination at night so that my relatives won't notice." He knew after the will reading, Dumbledore was going to try and regain control over him but he was already working with the goblins on solutions that would keep as much as possible hidden while keeping Dumbledore from regaining control over him. 

"Good idea."

"Yes. Granger suggested that I should write to Lupin since he's been a bit depressed since Sirius' death and I might be able to cheer him up. She wrote three pages about how much Lupin and Sirius were the last of my father's friends and what they meant to each other and my father. She even said, he was the last of my father's friends. At the end of the sixth page, she reminded me to not write anyone for fear of Death Eaters that might follow Hedwig." Harry was sick of the girl deciding what he could and couldn't do in his life. What she believed he should or shouldn't do. The worst was her telling him how to feel about things. "She is always telling me how to feel about things. In our third year, she even decided how I was to feel about the house-elves being slaves." Harry was never going to forget SPEW and he had a feeling neither would anyone else. He hoped the girl didn't attempt to run for any public office in the magical world as he knew that would be released.

"How much of it was filled with making you feel guilty or an attempt?"

"All of it. She even mentioned ignoring what happened in our third year. Ignoring the fact that Lupin didn't even attempt to write to me during the 12 years between my parents' death and his teaching at Hogwarts. Ignore how he didn't tell me who he was. Ignore how we spent all that time in lessons and he never once mentioned my parents. He could have told me about them but he didn't." There were some glass breaking sounds that filled the room. "Oops, sorry, I'm still trying to get used to my new magic levels." 

"It was only some of the ugly things. How have you been adjusting to your new magic levels?" 

"I've been practicing at Gringotts. I hired a trainer to help me get it under control. He is teaching me some defensive maneuvers too." 

"Excellent. Wand?" 

"No, wandless so far. A wandmaker is arriving in four days to craft some wands for others, I have already scheduled an appointment." Harry sighed deeply. "It seems like so much to do and this holiday won't be long enough to finish it all." 

"You don't need to finish it all. Just do what you can. You aren't some magical hero that has to save the day. You're just Harry Potter."

Harry didn't say anything for several minutes. "I'm sick of people confusing the famous Harry Potter from those books with me. You know, Lupin even did it to me. During our third year, we were to see Boggarts, to face them. He has us all lined up. Some of the results were a bit funny but when it came to my turn he stopped me. He said he believed it would have been Voldemort. He didn't want to see anything to do with my parents' death. I attempted to explain to him that I don't remember and didn't remember until I got near a Dementor. Not that I knew what I was hearing at the time. It took me a while to figure it out."

"What is bothering you about it?"

"Why would anyone assume that I would know what Voldemort looked like? I was only eighteen months when he killed my parents. I didn't see his real form at all. Not even now. He is this snake face looking human now. I have no idea of what he looked like before the resurrection ritual in my fourth year. He was on the back of Quirrell's head in my first. He assumed just like everyone else has about what I remember, what happened that night, and how I was affected." 

"Everyone?" 

"Yes." Harry looked straight at Morgana. "You didn't have any set notion as to what I was like based on the name?" Morgana blinked a few times. Harry was watching her. He could see she was thinking about her response. He felt a conflict in that he was happy she was thinking about it and not just answering with a yes or no while also feeling a bit sad that his life was so messed up that people couldn't even decide about him without being tainted by his parents' death, the books, or whatever rumors were going around about him. 

"Actually, I remember thinking would I get the Harry Potter I had read in the Daily Prophet or the books. In which case, I would have had to break down those walls to discover the real Harry or would I get to see the true Harry Potter who needed my help and was willing to be open about needing it. I'm happy to say, I got the one willing to be open about needing it. Everyone has preconceived ideas on people based on how they dress, how they walk, even as to how they look. No one in this world gets by without being judged by others even in the smallest ways. Look at your aunt and her views of the neighbors. Isn't she always trying to impress them, make sure no one thinks badly of them?"

"Yes. The neighbors." Harry laughed a bit. "If she knew what they really thought of her and her precious baby, she would die." 

"How do you feel about Lupin?"

Harry focused on remaining calm. "I am so disappointed in him and a bit in Sirius too. Lupin could have told me about my parents. He could have allowed me to have some stories about their lives. Sirius only ever talked about the pranks. He wasn't right in the head and not one of them did a thing about it. Dumbledore could have cleared his name just using our memories but he didn't. He said he didn't want to expose Lupin's condition. When I asked why couldn't he have used my fourth-year memories, I got some excuse about exposing myself to the public and how many would question the return of Voldemort but Dumbledore sure used my name to promote the return of Voldemort. He even announced it at the Leaving Feast."

"Go back to Lupin. What else are you feeling?" 

"Anger, a lot of it. He was and is part of the watchers at my house. He has very good hearing and yet doesn't do anything about what happens in that house. Right now, they all believe I am locked in my room. I set some spells to allow them to believe that I'm there. They even include my uncle yelling in the morning about me getting feed and using the bathroom. I just used the memories from the previous years and set a spell stone near the wards so all the watchers hear the different routines. The goblins showed me how to do it." Harry wasn't sure when he started to cry a bit but he wiped away the tears. "The Death Eaters don't believe in abusing a child yet the Order is happily allowing it to happen." Harry looked at Morgana. "You know what I don't understand? How come when the Death Eaters do something it's called an attack or murder yet when the Order does it, it's called a raid. They aren't affiliated with the Ministry. They are a secret organization. They swear to obey Dumbledore. I get that the Death Eaters and Voldemort attacked muggles. I get that they killed people. However, the Order has killed people during those raids. The Death Eaters and their families don't think they are bad just like the Order doesn't. However, each side views the other side as evil." 

"There are always two sides to every conflict. There is a saying that goes the victors write the history books."

"True." Harry looked pensive for several minutes. "Dumbledore gained a lot of power the night my parents were killed. Chief Warlock was suddenly his as well as his post on the ICW." Harry started to flex his hands. "He decided my fate the night the prophecy was heard. Nothing has been done to stop it or change it. He has actually created more ways for it to be concluded." 

"How do you feel about that?" 

"Angry. It's an emotion I'm getting very familiar with. Anger. It sits in my belly with my magic flickering at my fingertips. Each night, I actually have to spend a few hours crafting things in my room to help get rid of the build-up of magic. I take the items the next day to Gringotts where I blow them up. I used your idea of ugly things. It is working. I have so much hurt and disappointment too. I'm so disappointed in those who I thought were my friends as well as being so hurt by everything." 

"It's normal to feel that way. As long as it is processed in a healthy, safe way, you will be fine." 

Harry held up his wrist. "I even got out some of the family jewelry to wear. All of it is protection. It appears my family was a bit on the paranoid side. This bracelet comes with a matching necklace which I'm wearing." The bracelet was pure silver with runes etched into the metal. "The necklace serves as a basic link between the set. The ring is hidden under a parsel glamour. The three of them are work to prevent most poison, compulsion, and even memory charms." 

"Very good. You Lordship rings?" 

"Also hidden. I don't want Dumbledore to see them and he will if it is just a basic wizarding invisibility spell. He can't see through parseltongue. I learned it was his glasses that allowed him to do so." Harry laughed. "The glasses belong to my family, so they will disappear after the reading as well as anything else that belongs to my family." Harry laughed harder for a bit longer. "His office is filled with my family's books. The castle has a lot of portraits and other items. I wonder how he is going to explain all the missing items?" Harry's face was back to the somber expression he had been wearing for over a month. "I don't even feel guilty for doing it." 

"Excellent. That is a great stride forward Harry." 

"I don't even feel guilty for dismissing Granger's letter and her sad attempt to make me feel guilty. I don't think I'm ready to face Dumbledore and one of his guilt filled discussions but I need to do it." Harry closed his eyes. 

"I have never met the man but I have heard it said that is he very good at getting people to do what he wants them to do." 

"He is. He may not be able to hire a professor but he does know how to use just the right words to get people to do what they wanted." Harry had been working on trying to ignore what Dumbledore might use against him.

"What does he use on you?" 

Harry wasn't surprised by the question. "My parents, how much he cares about me, how much the Weasleys care, how much Sirius loves me, and how disappointed Sirius would be if I didn't do something. That last one was a newer one but I expect it will move to the top of his list after the reading. Lupin adds to it. He loves to use Sirius has a way to get me to go along with whatever Dumbledore might suggest."

"Harry, you are hiding something about Lupin."

Harry lowered his head. "I heard Lupin talking with Dumbledore before Hogwarts ended for the year. Lupin blames me for Sirius' death. Dumbledore was explaining what part Kreacher had in it. However, Lupin didn't want to listen and attempted to storm away. Dumbledore stopped him and told him to sit down and don't blow his plans up. He told Lupin that he better treat me just like his godson now that Sirius was gone and that I needed him to help keep me connected to my parents."

"I see. Harry, do you trust Lupin?"

Harry looked up. "No, to be honest, I never fully have. I wondered how does a man go for over a decade plus taking the Wulfbane's Potion yet forgets to take it that one night? He didn't take it when Snape gave it to him."

"Why do you think that is?" 

"I think Dumbledore didn't care if Dementors turned Sirius into a snack as long as we played the heroes again. He even allowed Granger to have a Time Turner so she could take all the elective classes. He is the one who prompted us into using it so that we might save Sirius but only after we mentioned that Sirius was innocent."

"I see."

"Sirius did it all to protect me." Harry broke down and started crying for the first time since he left Hogwarts. 

Morgana summoned some tissues and put them down in front of Harry. She didn't speak for a while as she rubbed her hand up and down Harry's back. Harry eventually stopped crying. "I bet that you feel a bit better."

Harry took some more tissues and blew his nose. He hadn't been aware of his using any tissues until he looked at the bin by his feet and saw a collection of used tissues in it. "A bit. I haven't cried or really even thought about Sirius since I left Hogwarts. I kept my head on the business I needed to get accomplished. I'm just happy it didn't happen at my relatives' house."

Morgana smiled. "I sure you would have found a way to keep them from bothering you. Perhaps another Bat-Bogey Hex. It worked before."

"Yes, it did. All I have to do is start the beginning of the hex and they stop bothering me." Harry watched Morgana return to her seat opposite him. "I do need to go. I have some lessons."

"I understand. I want you to write about how you feel each night. It can be about whatever. I don't need to see it but I want you to start to find another outlet for your emotions."

Harry stood up. "I can try it."

"Excellent."

________________________________________________________________________

Merlin entered Morgana's office after he heard the outside door close. "How was it?"

"Good, we are making a lot of headway. I expect the next few weeks will be trying for him. He is going to retake his OWLs, hired tutors from Gringotts, and the will reading is at the end of the week." 

"I wish we could make things easier for him but it won't aid him in the long term." 

"No, it won't. He isn't used to processing his true emotions. They will certainly be surprised if Harry returns to Hogwarts."

"Yes, they will. Let's wrap this up for the day. I want to visit Hogwarts and see what we can discover." 

"That is an excellent idea."


End file.
